


Mediocre

by chiasa



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, basically jeonghan represents some of us, dealing with insecurity and anxiety, slight!angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 22:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5982817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiasa/pseuds/chiasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeonghan hates the word mediocre. He’s mediocre at singing, he doesn’t seem to stand out when singing with Seungkwan and Seokmin during the school’s festival. He’s mediocre at dancing especially next to Junhui or Chan. He definitely can’t break dance like Minghao or choreograph dances like Soonyoung. He can’t compose songs like Jihoon or arrange songs like Jisoo. He’s just mediocre at everything he does. Including being mediocre at loving someone as deserving as Kim Mingyu.</p><p>Mingyu doesn’t know the self loathing that goes on in his head and he avoids talking about his feelings half the time. It’s not like Jeonghan’s uncomfortable talking to him. He just doesn’t want to seem weak in front of his lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mediocre

**Author's Note:**

> i was thinking about how average i was as a person and decided to write about gyuhan/gyujeong because hell we need more gyuhan fanfics for gyuhan shippers. so here's some gyuhan for the soul. i'm sorry that it's like super short but hey a gyuhan fanfic man hehe
> 
> thanks to my sis and baobei for proof reading!

Jeonghan drops his bag the moment he comes into the practice room. He wears a look of disappointment on his face as he slides down on the floor in a slump. He is exhausted and frustrated, not with anyone particularly but mainly himself. It’s the third time he received a bad grade for AP Chemistry. Jeonghan doesn’t want to sound whiny, complaining about a bad grade to everyone else like Seungkwan does. Everyone had other things to worry about rather than his bad grade. And if he were to tell Jisoo or Mingyu about it, they would comfort him and tell him that it’s alright. He doesn’t want that. It’s not alright. The entire problem revolves around how average he was in everything he does. Even when he thought he was good in AP Chemistry. Seems like he wasn’t.

 

“Hey hyung, are you okay?” Mingyu walks in the practice room and sits next to him with a smile. Jeonghan nods, a little half hearted yet Mingyu dismisses it as anything serious. He’s sweaty and sticky but he huddles close next to Jeonghan anyway. It’s not like Jeonghan was ever bothered about a really sweaty Mingyu before. In fact, he finds it oddly comforting.

 

Seungkwan bursts in with a loud greeting and almost everyone follows as they enter the room ruining the silence that Jeonghan refuged in moments ago. 

 

Jeonghan was close to telling honestly. But all the words dies in his throat as he chokes back a cough.

 

He feels a pair of eyes trained on him. “I’m going out for a moment,” Jeonghan says rather softly, standing up to leave but a hand grabs his before he could walk any further.

 

“I’m following you,” Mingyu mutters, hand still firmly holding Jeonghan’s. “Let’s go get lunch. My treat,” he grins and Jeonghan is sure Mingyu knows.

 

“We’ll be back soon, guys!” 

 

And he was right. Mingyu knows the turmoil going on in his head.

 

“Hey, are you okay? Is there something bothering that pretty little head of yours?” Mingyu asks, falling into step next to Jeonghan.  They walked past a few shops, Mingyu greeting the elderly florist along the way. Jeonghan remains silent and quickens his pace.

 

“Hyung,” Mingyu calls out again. “Hey hyung, I’m talking to you.” He jogs up to Jeonghan and matches his pace with the older male.

 

“What, Mingyu? What?” Jeonghan’s voice is tainted with exasperation as he turns to face his lover. Mingyu pulls him to a corner right next to an alley. It’s quiet and barely anyone walks by.

 

“I’m worried. You're not yourself today,” the brunette mumbles as though he’s afraid Jeonghan might snap at him.

 

A huge sigh leaves Jeonghan’s lips. He takes it all in; Mingyu’s brooding presence, the crease on his forehead, his anxiousness rippling through his body like waves. Mingyu is shaking.

 

All Jeonghan wants to do is to hug him tightly, it takes his entire self control not to lunge at Mingyu, to tell him that he’s alright but then again there’s something deep inside stopping him. It’s like his entire body tensed up and locked him in his place.

 

“Hyung, I know there’s something wrong and you aren’t telling me. You barely tell me anything. Especially when you’re facing some problems. You don’t tell Jisoo hyung either. We’re worried, hyung. I’m worried,” Mingyu is imploring him with his eyes and his voice cracks for a fragment of a second. He inhales sharply, continuing sadly,“I really am.”

 

Jeonghan is taken aback the outburst. Mingyu never displayed vulnerable sides of him before and this was the first. Jeonghan feels so guilty that he is the cause of Mingyu’s emotional turmoil. Insecurity poisons his heart, and corrodes his veins like a black plague. It takes a moment but Jeonghan realises he’s mediocre at being a lover to someone as deserving as Kim Mingyu.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung. For pushing my feelings on you. It’s okay, you don’t have to feel pressured. I just… I just want you to know that I’m here for you.  _ Always _ .”

 

Mingyu forces a smile that looks painful, trying to lighten the mood. It makes Jeonghan cringe at how hard Mingyu tries. He never really needed to try hard to make someone comfortable before.

 

“Let’s go get lunch, hyung. It’ll make you feel better,” Mingyu voice is hoarse. He’s forcing himself to sound chipper. He takes two long strides, snakes his hand down to Jeonghan’s hand and intertwines it. “I know a place that sells really go-”

 

Jeonghan pulls his hand back, shocking Mingyu.

 

“I’m mediocre,” Jeonghan begins, his voice wavering ever so slightly. His voice is soft but Mingyu hears him loud and clear.

 

A look of bewilderment spreads across Mingyu’s face as if he couldn’t register what Jeonghan said. "Wha-"

 

“I’m mediocre,” Jeonghan braves himself to repeat the word he has come to hate. It is unnerving, he notes the intense stare Mingyu has on him as though the boy is trying to decipher him. “I’m not as great as Seungkwan or Seokmin when it comes to singing neither am I that special when it comes to dancing and composing like Jihoon and Soonyoung. I’m average in school. My results are mediocre. I’m not improving at all unlike Junhui or Chan. I’m not a particularly great leader like Seungcheol,” his feelings began spilling out. “I’m just me.”

 

“As shitty as it is, I really am just me. All the insecurities, suffocating me and I have no space to breathe. There’s this constant anxiety I have to deal with. It’s like an itch I can’t get rid of. I keep comparing myself with the rest to know what I’m actually good at. But really, it all comes to mediocrity. I’m just average. Even at being a lover. And I’m sorry for troubling you all this while. It’s fine if you hate me. I’ve been really selfish. So I really don’t mind if you want to leave me. You don’t deserve someone as average and good for nothing like me.” Jeonghan’s vision blurs and he hears himself trying his damnest to choke back a sob.

 

Warm arms snake around his waist and pulls him closer into a warm hug. The intimate contact was so comfortable, Jeonghan finds himself embracing tighter, fisting the worn out jersey Mingyu wore. A large, gentle hand strokes his hair carefully as though he’s a delicate piece of china.

 

“Jeonghan hyung,” Mingyu murmurs his name like it was the name of the rarest flower. He continues on almost doggedly, his eyes looking at Jeonghan as if he held his world, “in my eyes, you were never mediocre. Mediocre was never a word to describe you. You may not be the best in singing nor dancing. But you’re the best at making my heart race and every time I look into your eyes, I see so much greatness in you I can’t help but to fall in love with you all over again.”

 

“Everyone is different, someone’s best may not be yours. So don’t ever compare yourself to anyone ever again. You should be the one who decide your worth not by using someone as a gauge. I think it’s funny when you said I don’t deserve someone like you just because you say so. If I were to think the same way, I’d probably never ever confess to you because Jeonghan hyung, I’m lacking so much more, in every aspect and I’m inexperienced. But because I didn’t ever want to compare myself to the rest, and belittling myself in the process, I have the courage to face you and to call myself your lover.”

 

Mingyu’s words resonates deep in Jeonghan’s mind and he feels a whole lot better about himself, as if he’s been wanting to hear those comforting words from the beginning.

 

“I’m sorry,” is all he could say but Mingyu understands him anyway. 

 

“Don’t be, hyung. I really love you okay. You mean the world to me,” Mingyu places a chaste kiss on his forehead.

 

Jeonghan feels his face heating up and he looks away. He’s pretty sure he’s beetroot red. “I love you too,” he whispers shyly, reaching out to intertwine his fingers around Mingyu’s.

 

A chuckle rumbles through Mingyu’s chest. “Let’s go have lunch, hyung.”

  
Jeonghan nods, his mind briefly thinking that maybe being mediocre isn’t so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for the support! i can't believe i wrote this despite having exams next week. i hate having good ideas during exam period omg its like i want to write but i have to study. but anyway, hope yall liked it!
> 
> you can follow me on twitter if yall want to @boononsense (i'll spam loads of seungkwan i think haha)


End file.
